The Elder Must Manage His Household Well

Chapter 13

“He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity (but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?),” (I Tim. 3:5). Probably one of the most difficult tasks of all for the Elder is knowing how to keep his household under control with dignity. In an era in American jurist prudence when there is a greater propensity to charge parents who apply biblical discipline in the home with abuse than to punish children who commit murder, it is difficult to imagine things are going to get any better. Certainly, The clear indication from this verse is that, not only must the Elder be the husband of one wife, but that he must be a husband. One who is not married, or who has not been successfully married (not divorced, but possibly widowed) qualifies to serve as an Elder. Likewise, it seems apparent the Elder must have had children. The challenge of being a godly husband and father has few equals in this life. After 34 years as a husband, foster dad, uncle, and uncle-in-law, I still struggle with some of the most basic principles of loving but firm leadership as taught in God’s word. It is one thing to be a leader; it is quite another to be a leader who can lead, keeping those he leads, under control with all dignity. Even the word control has been demonized today by those would prefer anarchy.

Those who would lead as dictated in God’s word are often called “control freaks.” When a husband insists his wife allow him to be the one who interprets God’s word in the home and she proclaims something like, “God’s living in me too,” we see the perfect example of Gen. 3:16b, “. . . yet your desire shall be fore your husband, and he will rule over you.” The phrase is the same one used in Gen. 4:7 where God is talking with Cain when he says, “. . . sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it.” It is the bent of woman, when she yields to self-indulgence, to attempt a coup on the authority of the husband. And godly women are not exempt from this daily temptation. It is the most basic tenet of rebellion against the plan of God for creation. In all of Satan’s arsenal, his most effective tool is deception. In America especially, he works overtime to convince the Christian woman she is positionally equal to her husband. After all, she is an American; and America is a democratic society where everyone is equal. Satan used the same strategy unsuccessfully with Jesus in Matthew 4.

There is no question God’s Spirit resides in the born-again woman just as He resides in the born-again man. There is also no question that the one who refuses to subject himself to the indwelling Spirit of God is in direct rebellion against God’s word (I Peter 3:1-6). Anyone claiming to be living a life in subjection to Jesus as Lord who does not, at the same time, live his life in subjection to Jesus’ word is clearly living a lie (I Jn. 3:24; 4:15). It is required of the Elder in God’s church to keep his household under control with all dignity. An inability to do that simply means he will not be willing to go against the political and religious thinking of a given culture to administer God’s word accurately in His church to His flock. Any man who does not have the intestinal fortitude to stand against the pressures of society in defense of God’s word, has no business being an Elder in God’s church.

The church cannot be obedient to God’s word and remain politically correct. And it cannot afford to cave to the pressures of the culture in which it finds itself. While God’s people, for example, do not have to wear clothes that make them look like they purchased them at the Salvation Army, they do need to dress with dignity, converse with dignity, act in a dignified manner, and, at all times demonstrate by their chaste behavior they are children of the King. These are the things about which Paul (under the power of the Holy Spirit) was speaking when He commanded us to be separate II Cor. 6:17).

If a man has not gained the respect and admiration of his wife and children, he does not yet qualify to be a leader in God’s church. I think it is worthy of note that an Elder might indeed have a son who is in jail for criminal activity. He must not have a son who is committing sin against anyone within or without the body of Christ who is not being appropriately disciplined for such sin. The son who got involved in drugs, and as a result is in jail, is being kept under control. And while some would argue that is not with dignity, I must disagree. The best father in the world cannot prevent any member of God’s creation (even his own child) from rebelling against God and His word. And Elder must deal with such rebellion as demanded in God’s word if he is to continue to qualify to hold the office of Elder. He must resist the temptation to fear what man can do to him if he administers God’s word in his home.

Some states today are actually seeking to pass legislation making it illegal for parents to administer corporal punishment. Beloved, that is when it is time to obey God rather than man. Elders in God’s church do not make excuses for the ungodly behavior of their children. They apply God’s word of discipline, which will sometimes involve the use of the rod (Prov. 29:15). I shudder in fear and trembling when I hear any man of God brag he has never lifted a finger against his child. And the one who proclaims a father should never discipline his child in anger doesn’t know God very well. There is such a thing as righteous anger, and God administers discipline often while righteously angry. Anyone who doesn’t believe Jesus was angry when he overturned the tables when the money changers were using God’s house for profit is living in la la land (Matt. 21:13). It is the worst kind of ignorance, which brags about refusing to discipline the rebellious child with the rod, because it breeds contempt in the heart of the child who thinks he can do anything without fear his father will ever use it. Proverbs 13:24, 25 reads, “He who withholds his rod, hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.” So, contrary to what Doctor Spock, Dr. Townsend, or Dr. Dobson tell us, God’s word says it is the father who withholds the rod who actually hates his son. And it is also the ungodly man who does not make sure his wife realizes she is not to teach or exercise authority over man in spiritual things in the home or the church. I have written an expose on that subject called God’s Role for Women. It is readily available for free for anyone who asks. You can contact me most of the time at 1-406-488-1447 or email me at purkey@midrivers.com.

Finally, it is clear that one who cannot manage his own household will never be able to manage God’s household. The church, filled with strong personalities and men and women filled with God’s Spirit, is a magnificent thing to behold when those strong personalities are brought under the guidance of godly Elders. When not under that godly guidance, it is either an impotent, lackluster, lukewarm body just waiting to be buried, or it is a building filled with carnival like activities once, twice, or several times a week. Jesus never danced in the aisles of the synagogues. None of his disciples ever slew anyone in the Spirit. He never smacked anyone on the forehead to heal them. And while there is absolutely nothing wrong with raising our hands in praise shouting for joy, rolling in the aisles and hopping up and down like a bunny rabbit is a clear failure to maintain control with dignity. A child hops up and down with he gets a new tricycle. Mature adults don’t do such things. It isn’t dignified; and thus, it isn’t godly.